Tuesday, 20 April 2010

Finding Mr. Darcy: Israeli soldier vs. English Scholar; The Rugged vs. The Refined

Dear Ladies and Gentleman,If you are married consider yourself to be lucky, dating is a chore and a job. If you are single consider yourself lucky too, because being married is a job. But,I'd rather be single and a spinster than unhappily married.

Dating in London: Israeli soldier vs.English gentleman. There could not be two races of men, or two species of men more disparate from each other that I couldn’t resist writing about it. I have dated English men in America and English men in England. I have dated Israeli men in America and Israeli men in London. What I haven’t done thus far, is date an Israeli man in his own country,Israel.

Where the English man is quiet, reserved unassumingly polite, The Israeil man is insensitive, rude to the point of being obnoxious. The English are famous, the world over for their impeccable manners, their coyness, their indirect manner, subtlety, tact and gentleness. There over all, certriain composure in public places. And, don’t like a lot of PDA, public display of affection. Where the English man courts you, wines and dines you and takes you to chic restaurants and classy hotels for afternoon tea,and sends long emails to express his affection,the Israeli man’s idea of a date is to have coffee in his flat on his bed. His idea of communication, writing a missive note and sending you 5 texts as to why you should come over to his house, even though you already told him you didn’t want to come to his house for the tenth time.

Where the English man is shy about revealing his feelings and sometimes has to drink 3 pints of Guinness before he does so, the Israeli man will move full speed ahead and make his physical attraction and feelings known quite fast and early on. The Israeli man will take you to visit his family right after the first date. I once dated an Israeli man in Los Angeles, and after the first date, he invited me for the second date for dinner at his sister’s house, followed by a party at the synagogue the same evening. I was quite flattered, and though wow, he must really like me. I did some research online, to find, that this is a common custom of Israeli men. The family is so close knit that they include you in their plans even when they first meet you. I thought it was sweet. Apparently, Israeli are very keen on finding a woman and settling down to make a family. That’s a very nice quality and I think saves a lot of time. English men, on the other hand, would shy away from any kind of family meeting until well after they have established that you were going to be the woman that they were going to marry. It’s pretty much the same anyway. But, come on, it’s very flattering if a man you just started dating wants to introduce you right away to his family. I love that shit! And, women are suckers for that because we start thinking of wedding bells right away and that’s how are brains are programmed. (My American Jewish boyfriend back home, waited at least 1 year to introduce fly me to Boston and introduce me to his family. We aren’t together anymore, but I am still friends with his parents. Why not, they raised a cool son.)

I have to admit that the confident braggadocio of the Israeli man can be very sexy. I once met an Israeli man at a café, he was interested in Buddhism and said that he chanted my same mantra before ( Nam Myoho Renge Kyo).I took him to the Buddhist meeting and told him we would only be friends. After about two weeks of his calling, texting me, and emailing me , and wearing me down, I FINALLY agreed to go on a date with him. During our date, we were on our way to the concert venue, he saw that I was scared to cross the street, he grabbed my hand with such force and walked so confidently across the street, that I thought that he was a general in the army. He did it and I was quite impressed. Women, I think all over the world, like a man, that shows some manliness and bravado. I believe, Israeli men have that kind of brave front from serving in the Israeli army.( It’s compulsory training that all Israeli’s including women serve for two years.) It’s quite sexy, but in small doses. That same kind of bravado can whirl into shades of machoism, which is a big turn off and can send a feminist woman like myself running the other way.

Another clear distinction of these two male animals, is that where the English man is progressive and modern about women’s rights. The Israeli is the opposite and downright macho and sexist. On the second date with the same Israeli man, he started telling me how I should dress to please him. I said wait a minute," I am not your girlfriend, I haven’t even kissed you. What right do you have to try and tell me what to do?" Whoa! The chutzpah of this man.

I think the best man for me,would have the would the manly bravado of the Israeli man, with a balance of the refined, cultured, intellectual English gentleman. Is there such a man?

Tom Poulton: The Secret Art of an English Gentleman

Tom Poulton: The Secret Art of an English Gentleman

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