London Diaries: Some Language Differences I Find Funny

London Diaries: Some Language Differences I Find Funny

Grays Inn Park- London Autumn 2008

Gray's Inn Park is an example of one of the many gorgeous parks in London.It is just a really small simple park that's located in a residential and business area of London.I happened upon it on one of the many days when I first was in London and would get lost. It's only open from 12pm until 2 pm every day. Often, you will see many of the neighboring workers and business people from the area bringing their lunch here.When I found it I saw it as a place to chant,since at the time I was living with these two English blokes as a couch surfer with very little privacy.I would leave their house by 11 am every morning.I would wake up and draw the blinds and say " Good Morning London! what am I going to do today?!"

I would go to this park and just chant on this charming bench far off in a corner of the park. It was such a peaceful respite to be here among such beauty. I would bring my thermos of Earl Grey tea, have a chant smile at the beautiful cosmos flowers, plan my day, until the security gaurd kicked me out around 2 ish because I was so content I didn't want to leave. Gray's Inn park is an example of the many parks throughout London that offer a respite from the busy and rambunctious city life.Mysteriously, the photo on the top right was published in an online tour guide magazine.

Some Language Differences I Find Funny

When I first came on London I had to not only adjust to the
different accent, but also to the funny way the British speak.
Many times when I was at my hotel when I asked them where was the trash bin was,they would say," Pardon me?!!" They didn't know what I meant by that.
Immigrants are a bit slower than British in their awareness of American English. Often I would go to a off license store and ask the Pakistani clerk for batteries or to TOP UP ( TOP UP,is another phenomena in the UK which I will get into in my next blog) my cell phone, the clerk would reply with " Sorry!" I didn't know what they were sorry about, because they certainly had not offended me. But that was their way of saying could you repeat yourself Madam. BESIDES EVERYONE SAYS SORRY HERE IN THE UK even if they bump into you in the que.

That's another thing people are quite formal in the UK, and they often call me
Madame.Personally, I prefer Madamoiselle or Miss. Service people at groceries stores and boutiques ask, " how may I serve you?" or have you been served?".Americans say:"How may I help you? or Have you been helped?" To me, asking someone,"how can I serve you?",seems a bit subservient. I don't like the way it sounds. It supposedly has to do with the British sense of knowing your place in society. British are very status and class conscious even in the 21 st century. Interestingly enough,similar mores of status and decorum still apply in Mexico.For example, when they say,"Como puedo servirte?"( How can I serve you?)I don't like the way that sounds either.But,I am entitled to my opinion. And, as long as I get paid for my opinions I will keep giving them(LOL !).

Anyway, here are some of the language differnces that I find very funny
and wanted to share with you. Many are slang terms
that I find terribly charming and most enjoyable.

1. Goolies-
Noun:
1. Private parts
2. Family Jewels
"I kicked him in the goolies"
2. Rubbish- for trash.
It's quite frequently used. For example, I am rubbish
at tennis. Or, Paris Hilton acting is rubbish.
3. You are getting on my tits.= means you are annoying me.
4. You got your knickers caught in a twist= means you
are bambuzzled and frazzled.
5.Pissed- drunk, not angry or mad
6. wanker- jerk.
7. bullocks-that's a lie. As in that 's bullocks!
Bollocks 1660 up, 102 down
A highly flexible term commonly used by the English.

1. something rubbish
2. a falsehood or series of lies
3. something great
4. the best possible
5. testicles
6. exclamation on making a error.
1. That Mel Gibson movie was a load of bollocks.
2. That Tony Blair is talking bollocks.
3. That curry was the bollocks!
4. That your wife is the dog's bollocks when it comes to cooking!
5. Then she kicked him in the bollocks.
6. Bollocks!

Some funny phrases:
"You honestly expect me to believe you're going to tell John what I did with his wife? You haven't got the bollocks."
"Two Stellas, a Fosters, a Bacardi and Diet Coke and a Carling-top please. ...oh, make that half a Fosters - that's bollocksed you, hasn't it? Let's call it a tenner for cash, eh?"
8. fag-cigarette
In BrE the phrase "I could murder a fag" may refer to a compulsion to smoke a cigarette, while in AmE it indicates an intention to kill a homosexual.
9. take the mickey (out of someone) Vrb phrs. To tease, to ridicule. Also shortened to take the mick. An abbreviated form of the Cockney rhyming slang take the mickey bliss, meaning 'take the piss'. E.g."Stop taking the mickey out of Billy, he's very sensitive and you're upsetting him." Cf. 'take the Michael' and 'extract the Michael'. [1930s]
10. take the piss Vrb phrs. 1. To ridicule, to tease, to make fun off. Cf. 'extract the urine'. 2. To take advantage of, to exploit. E.g."Just because they like looking after their grand children, doesn't mean you can dump the kids on them every weekend whilst you go out clubbing. That's just taking the piss."
take the mickey (out of someone) Vrb phrs. To tease, to ridicule. Also shortened to take the mick. An abbreviated form of the Cockney rhyming slang take the mickey bliss, meaning 'take the piss'. E.g."Stop taking the mickey out of Billy, he's very sensitive and you're upsetting him." Cf. 'take the Michael' and 'extract the Michael'. [1930s] take the piss Vrb phrs. 1. To ridicule, to tease, to make fun off. Cf. 'extract the urine'.
11. airy-fairy. non substantial. They often think Californians are airy fairy with their New Age thinking.
12. bugger off-Verb. Get lost. Usually said in annoyance. " Bugger off you wanker!"
13. knackered- verb.to be tired. I just got done playing with my grandchildren and I am knackered.
14. tenner- a ten pound note. For example,I had fish and chips and a pint of beer, all for a tenner. ( I made this one up)

FOR BRITISH SLANG TERMS
or to understand the context and meaning of slang terms consult http://www.urbandictionary.com/


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on THE HISTORY OF THE PUBS

My Daily Life in London: Humorous Escapades in Food, Ducks and Strange Alleyways

I have a predictable routine or variations thereof,
that I do almost everyday. Recently,a friend of mine, Keith Van Loen,(I playfully call him Lord Van Loen),photographer for Grazia magazine took some 200 odd photos of me of portraying some of my daily routine in London. My daily routine usually consists of eating a traditional hearty English Breakfast at my Hotel, including some really black strong tea.Or if I am not in the mood to talk to the local guests I 'll just have breakfast in my room usually porridge and grapefruit. For lunch, I head over to Whitelys ( the shopping mall) for Lebanese food. So far, I have eaten the same Lebanese food for 10 days and I don't get sick of it. It's always Mujjaddara(Lentils and Rice), Mousakka(Aubergine and Garbanzos Salad) and then some sort of Chicken variation. I love it! Then, I'll have another cup of tea, this time it's China Rose Tea,roses are good for you,so fragrant and elegant. While I am eating I usually brush up on my French. (I finally decided to focus on my French. It was the language of the aristocracy, after all. Many Britons speak French as a second language.) They play Julio Iglesias or the Gypsy Kings in the background and for that time I am so relaxed and in heaven. After that, I head to Kensingston Gardens and walk a bit (walk of the sausages,hehee!, that's right!),get some fresh air and feed the ducks. After that, I go to my office,(the local Internet Cafe)to surf the web,do market research, put my ads up,and do some writing. Then,when I've had enough,I cross the street to Planet Organic (the UK's version of Whole Foods),to have a Chai Latte and have a chat with my friends that work there. Sometimes, I'll go for lunch on Portobello Road down the block and have some really interesting Thai food lunch specials ( just £6-).One day I went on a date there in the afternoon and they were shooting a Bollywood type of movie with this man in pink sari.On days I am more energetic I'll go to a Gallery or Museum for about an hour, check out the artwork or artifacts have a tea and then get their schedule so that later I can come back for a proper tour. Most of the museums are free in London so it's easy just to pop in and out, whenever you have a chance. The Victoria and Albert Museum , is across from Hyde Park and right next to it the Natural History Museum and the Science Museum.If I am in the mood just to escape I'll go to Whitely's Mall,(the oldest shopping mall in London)to the Odeon theater and catch a matinee. Sometimes a really shallow lighthearted movie, is all I need to clear my head and get me motivated for the tasks that lie ahead of me. The last movie I saw was, He's not that into you. When are the going to make, She's not that into you? Perhaps a sequel is in order.

At night, I usually work teaching Spanish, go to a buddhist meeting in Notting Hill, dance class or try to catch a play or a movie. Late a night,I'll go have a glass of wine at my favorite hotel, The Blakemore Hotel or go to this club where they play an intersting mix of two music genres that I absolutely love, Latin and Arabic.Sometimes, I'll check out the Palmyra News that's owned by Pakistanis, they have a lot of chic International magazines and are opened 24 hours. Anyone that knows me knows I am crazy about magazines, so it's a magazinaholics paradise ! They have Russian, Italian and Spanish Vogue. They also carry the posh British magazines like Tatler and Red.

Sometimes late at night,I love going on walks by myself,(or if I am lucky with a friend), especially when it's foggy, because my neighborhood has the most mysterious old world alleys and side streets, that make me feel I am walking in a different century. Very romantic ! It's times like this when I most appreicate being in London. After having some skullcap, passiflora tea I fall asleep with a smile and thank my lucky stars for my beautiful life.

Safiq, Sabrina and Hashim at Queens Hotel



Me at Planet Organic







Feeding the Ducks Kensinston Gardens



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LONDON DIARIES